somewhere over the rainbow

tommy took a fast hit
off his Bud
and said, fuck man
I just can’t stand
the thought
the thought of what
I said
the thought of
women shitting
he said shaking
his head
I mean I just
want to go
through life
thinking that
whenever they
go to the toilet
rainbows
pour from
their buttholes
hell I can’t even
call them assholes
he said
I mean, to think
that whatever
crawls pours
scratches
or aches out
my asshole
is the same
monster
crawling out
of theirs is just
sacrilege
it’s like pissing
on a bible
well tommy
I don’t know
about all that
I said
trust me jc
he said
the world
would be
a lot
better off
if women
didn’t shit

tommy was 43
and had never
lived with a
woman
and his mother still
slept with her rosary
and was so uptight
she’d probably
never had
to shit in
her life

tommy got up
from his
barstool
and said
well, time to
take a ride
on the ol’
deuce caboose
he said
slapping my back
and walking
off to a
bathroom
I barely feel
comfortable
unzipping in

so I sat there
pulling at
my beer and
thinking
about shit
what really
troubled me
was not
women shitting
but the rainbow itself
and if the rainbow
poured from
every woman’s ass
I couldn’t help
but imagine
leprechauns
waiting at the ends
of long sewage pipes
protecting their
pots of gold
mounds of man
shit at their sides
their little feet
gliding
irrevocably
forward and backward 
a faint Irish tune
stammering
from their
wet lips
a woman up
miles above
wiping off
spring
rain moving
from front
to back
just like her
mother taught her