when I decide to fall in love

I climb to the roof

of the abandoned farmhouse

and when I’m about jump

I fall through the roof

into the bedroom

where children were raised

where white wallpaper

with rainbows

and hot air

balloons is torn

into the shape

of a cave’s mouth

whose teeth are made

of yellow jackets

that cover my hands

as if I’m drowning

and so I climb into

the broken bassinet

and become helpless

and confused

at the discovery

of fingers and toes

I sleep in the basinet

each night

trying to grow up

throwing fits

and pushing my legs

over and out

of the basinet walls

I cry for my father

and an old man

crawls out

from underneath

the basinet and begins

building fires beneath me

I cry for my mother

and a little girl

leaps out

from the cave’s mouth

blowing heads

off dying dandelions

I cry and I cry

and the old man

and the little girl

burst into sparrows

nesting on my eyelids

until the shells

of my eyeballs cracked

and out climbed love

and out climbed hate

squawking and gagging and spouting

pushing and punching and fucking

exchanging body parts

for dreams of the cave’s

throat closed in digression